Two things happen every time someone tells me to expect the unexpected. First, I have an overwhelming urge to get a gorilla costume and hide in said person’s closet. Second, I spend the entire day looking over my shoulder with a nervous look on my face. One time I was taking a walk and someone thought I was being chased by a bear. I expected a bear, but I was worried about Sasquatches, because no one expects to be chased by a hungry Bigfoot. Later, because I was expecting a Sasquatch, an angry stump nearly killed me. By the time I realized it was a tree and not a bear, it had already gnawed five years off my life and sent my heart on a tap-dancing tour across my lungs. Apparently this happens to outdoorsmen a lot and is probably why people decided it’s safer to stay on the couch. It’s hard to stumps to sneak up on you in your living room. They can’t open doors.
Expect the unexpected. Most of the time I think this is a variant of Murphy’s Law: Everything that can go wrong will go wrong. My wife counters this with another phrase. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best, which is a pretty stark contrast to my preferred method of giving Murphy a four-leaf clover as a peace offering. I like the hope for the best part, but when you have an imagination like me, you will usually be prepared for the wrong worst.
Situation # 1: I plan a trip to my grandparent’s cottage in Maine. Since alien invasions and sea monsters can’t really be prepared for, I decide to take it simple and pack for thunderstorms and power outages. Candles, flashlights, batteries, bottled water, non perishable foods, everything I would need to enjoy a vacation without access to electricity. By the time everything is packed and I’m on the road, I’ve forgotten my wallet and my cats have bought 2,000 toy mice with my credit card.
Situation # 2: I have always wanted to go bear hunting. I already own all the big game hunting equipment I need, so I go out to the store to purchase a license. As I drive, I remember that bears have teeth and claws. Big ones. I can’t outrun a bear, I have a bad knee. Deciding that the best way to avoid a bad hunt is to not hunt, I use the money to buy a pizza and head back to my couch and notebook. When I get home, a bear scares me back into my car and eats my bird feeder. Murphy is mean.
Within the Endless Skies 